NAPS
Xander Cage

Private. Selective.Multi-verse/ship.

Mun/Muse 21+ Written by Erick

Est. 1/2017

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For a crash course in Who The Fuck is Xander Cage, click here:

Xander Cage 101

brazenlass:

Nicole might have had an interest in anarchy, but she’d never paid much attention to sports. ‘Triple X’ meant nothing to her, and certainly she had no reference for this tattoo he mentioned. Nicole looked at him like he was crazy. (The video she’d seen was titled “Man steals senator’s car– you won’t BELIEVE what he does”. Not a lot of room for brand endorsement.)

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“What? No! Who gives a shit about your tattoos? X… whatever. By the way, Xander-zoned? Cheesiest fucking thing ever, an’ I saw Batman and Robin. You know, with Arnold Schwartzewhosit?” But now she was scooting forward in her seat, because despite her dismissal she was interested. 

“Okay but that thing, that was real? An’ I don’t mean real like a legit stunt I mean real like you actually stole a politician’s car? Did he get you back? Did you go to jail? Do you really care so much about video games? How fucking crazy do you have to be?”

Right. He was old(to her). He’d pulled that Senator’s car stunt a couple years before she was even born. Plenty of people knew who Xander Cage was, but his heyday of making money off those videos–before YouTube–was long gone. But Xander had never really had to give this sort of a speech before. It made him feel old, which annoyed him. 

“When I was doing that shit, my tattoo was my trademark,” he explained, completely ignoring the whole Batman and Robin line. “I made good money selling that video, and others, too, doing other shit to those bureaucratic suits, to boardroom billionaires that steal money from good folks who don’t deserve it.” 

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“Listen,” Xander said, “Yeah, I stole Dick’s car. Got a get out of jail free card from the NSA if I helped them take down a Russian supervillain,” Okay so Yorgi wasn’t a super villain, but he basically was. “In 2002? Video games were under a lotta fire, they were thinkin’ of age restricting them like cigarettes,” an exaggeration, “I care about people who think they can control what people are allowed to consume. That’s not their choice up in the capital.” Their burgers came, and X started foraging through his fries. “That ain’t the only thing I’ve done, you can google me, I’ve got a wikipedia page.” He still didn’t take that seriously, thought it was ridiculous, but it did have a good explanation of his history. Shame, considering they still thought he died a couple years after he took down Anarchy99. They missed all the best stuff.