Parks and Rec Quotes Meme (change any pronouns where its required!)

• “I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything.”
• “See, there’s more things to do on the internet than look at naked guys.”
• “I’m not afraid of cops, I have no reason to be. I never break any laws, ever… Because I’m deathly afraid of cops.”
• “She originally put me in charge of the hot dogs at this fundraising barbecue, and I dropped them all. All of them. Like, a thousand.”
• “You look like I could use some company.”
• “He’s in love with you and he has a GUN?!”
• “Is she gonna powder her… vagina?”
• “Do you think a depressed person could make this? NO.”
• “Oh, Lord. Is he eating soup? On a bench? Alone?”
• “She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her.”
• “You’re a smart, successful young man, with an adorable little belly. Stand up for yourself!”
• [Gasps] “A game is the foot!”
  
• “He’s a mutt. Half amazing, half terrific.”
• “He’s like a brilliant, sexy little hummingbird.”
• “Hey, honey, good morning! How did you sleep? I adopted thirty-two cats and dogs. Do you want pancakes?”
• “You have to stop your stupid swagger and tell her in a normal voice that you care about her.”
• “If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.”
• [Aggressively] “You have plenty of jeans!”
• “Please hurry, I’ve been wearing a bandana as underwear for three days now.”
• “I want candy.”
• “I’m simply gonna explain to the crowd that love is everywhere and they simply have to surrender to the flow of the universe, yaknow?”
• “Hi, is there maybe a medication that you need a lot of and have taken none of - or maybe too much of today?”
• “You don’t let anything happen to him, understand me? He is precious cargo!”
• “Oh my god, these dogs are so cuuute. I wanna throw up and kill myself.”
• “I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. No, an hour. A full hour!”
• [singing] “___’s sitting on my lap, shouldn’t tell her that I need to take a crap, oh no.”
• “Okay, I’m gonna need the sarcasm to take a looong walk right now.”
• “These kids are tearing my house apart and I need you to calm them with the power of song!”
• “I’m sorry that I thwarted you at every turn.”
• “I have an idea. Its not illegal, technically, but it is a dick move.”
• “If I come down there, can I at least break something?”
• “Oh, thank god you’re here. I got so bored I started thinking about existence.”
• “I’ll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.”
  
• “Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!”
• “Oh, Hitler, you sexy bastard.”
  
• “I love your team, sir. I love them like they’re my own children.”
• “The zodiac killer didn’t confess, why do I have to?”
• “Your shoes are red now!”
• “You better give me back that megaphone, that belongs to my aunt.”
• “I’m feeding your eagle. He’s starving!”
• “Well, I really like cats. And dogs sure are great.”
• “No, I don’t like this game. I don’t know what the rules are!”
• “Holy mother of Malia! And Sasha! I love them both equally.”
• “There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins.”